Echuca Counselling Service I Full Circle Counselling I Therapist I Therapy I Moama Echuca I Psychology
  • home
  • about you
  • about the therapist
  • fees
  • blog
  • contact

blog

SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE STRATEGIES FROM TERRANCE REAL - Shared by Full Circle Couples Counselling Echuca 

18/7/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
SOME FREE MARRIAGE THERAPY

“The New Rules of Marriage” By Terrance Real.


🍂 THE FIVE LOSING STRATEGIES

🍂 Needing to be Right

  • 1) Finding out whose view is more “valid” or “accurate.”
  • 2) Leads to endless objectivity battles.
  • 3) Fuels the psychological violence of self-righteous indignation.

🍂 Controlling Your Partner

  • 1) Can be direct or indirect (manipulation).
  • 2) Short of outright coercion, control is an illusion.
  • 3) People don’t like being controlled.
  • 4) Payback is inevitable.

🍂 Unbridled Self-Expression

  • 1) “I have the right and the need to share my feelings with you ‘spontaneously.’”
  • 2) The Idea that all sharing is authentic and will increase closeness.
  • 3) Rarely engenders generosity in others.

🍂 Retaliation

  • 1) Perverse justice: “Offending from the victim position.”
  • 2) Perverse communication: “Trying to make you feel what I feel.”
  • 3) Can be explicit or covert (passive aggression).

🍂 Withdrawal

  • 1) Differs from responsible distance taking.
  • 2) Stems from either resignation or retaliation.
  • 3) Often masquerades as mature acceptance.

🍃 THE FIVE WINNING STRATEGIES

🍃 Shifting from Complaint to Request

  • 1) Move from a negative/past to a positive/future focus. Don’t criticize – ASK!
  • 2) Make your requests specific, behavioral, and reasonable.

🍃 Speaking Out with Love and Savvy

  • 1) Contract with your partner to engage in the repair process.
  • 2) Remember love.
  • 3) Use the four steps of the feedback wheel:

🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃 🍃
THE FEEDBACK WHEEL

This requires mature, adult selves to reflect (not react) with honesty.

  • 1) What I saw or heard (the issue, the conflict, comment or event causing dissonance)
  • 2) What I made up about it
  • 3) How I feel about it
  • 4) What I’d like
  • 5) Let go of outcome

🍃 Responding with Generosity

  • 1) Listen to understand.
  • 2) Acknowledge whatever you can.
  • 3) Give whatever you can.

🍃 Empowering Each Other

  • 1) Acknowledge the gifts (insights) the responder has offered.
  • 2) Ask what you might do to help the responder deliver.
  • 3) Acknowledge whatever you can and give whatever you can.

🍃 Cherishing

(If you find these notions wishy-washy, you’re simply not trying hard enough to maintain a healthy relationship)

  • 1) Remember abundance.
  • 2) Give your partner specific positive feedback.
  • 3) Nourish yourself and your relationship with time and energy.
  • 4) Practice smart generosity.
  • 5) Inhabit your talents and gifts without owning or disowning them.
  • 6) Give back to the relationship .


🍁 The Repair Process:

🍁 • Phase One: Speaking and Listening

  • 1) Speak out with love and savvy
  • 2) Remember love
  • 3) Use the feedback wheel
  • 4) Listen with a generosity
  • 5) Contention becomes curiosity
  • 6) Understand the internal logic of your partner’s experience
  • 7) Questions stop when you can accurately reflect and empathize

🍁• Phase Two: Responding with Generosity

  • 1) Clarify your partner’s wishes
  • 2) Acknowledge whatever you can
  • 3) Give whatever you can

🍁• Phase Three: Empowering Each Other

  • 1) Switch roles
  • 2) Speaker appreciates and then asks how he might help his partner
  • 3) Listener makes a request
  • 4) Speaker acknowledges and gives
  • 5) Both seal deal and appreciate

🍃 RECOMMEND READING : US by Terrance Real

🍃 Note from Full Circle Counselling :

If some of these negative patterns have seeped into your relationship and you require supportive guidance, book an appointment at www.full-circle-counselling.com
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    archives

    October 2022
    July 2022
    October 2021
    September 2021
    June 2021
    April 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    May 2020
    February 2020

    categories

    All
    Couples
    Families
    Relationships
    Therapy

    RSS Feed

Picture
email us
book now

​"when you need to see someone..."
​

​​o full circle counselling I paul medew I
​o office left I 47 heygarth st echuca vic 3564
o confidential counselling for individuals, couples & families

PAUL'S AVAILABILITIES

* Mon - Thu : 11:00 AM - 7:00 PM
* Friday 11: 00 AM - UNTIL LATE
* Sat Sun BY REQUEST


NIGHT CLINIC :

* Every Friday: 11:00 AM - 11:00 PM
​
PHONE :

0478 672 867

WEB :
www.fullcirclecounselling.com.au

EMAIL :
[email protected]
about our services + you
about the therapist
direct bookings
facebook bookings
fees for clients
blog topics + news
o join the circle o

o web design by pbc 2020

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • home
  • about you
  • about the therapist
  • fees
  • blog
  • contact