We would all like to think that child psychology is as simple and uncomplicated as how the child seems or presents most of the time.

This is an erroneous presumption that usually says more about the adult or carer’s needs to not get distracted and to conserve time than anything else.

Children are extremely well attuned to what goes on around them and can detect when their questions or requests are being met with a vague “Yes, that’s nice,” or “Mm, really?” or “That sounds interesting...” as the adult shuffles around with their eyes and attention diverted.

Children may have limited capacity to transform their feelings into coherent sentences. The don’t have the privilege of broad academic or emotional-orientated language skills to clarify what they’re feeling.

But if you are attuned to children, you will instantly detect when they are frustrated and that is the cue you need to heed in terms of slowing down.

Coming down to a child’s level, making eye contact and asking them to explain what’s going on is a good start.

But the most important thing is not so much how you respond but in fact how well you listen and engage in the process of allowing them to be heard.

When a child complains that they are “bored” for instance, that’s often a code for something more layered. The child may be feeling ignored, unchallenged, disillusioned or unheard.

The lack of things to “do” during the holiday period that they complain about is often a simplified and codified way of expressing the benign neglect they’re feeling.

By telling the adults and carers around them that they’re bored and don’t know what to do, they’re telling them they feel irrelevant in the family system and crave engagement.

You’ll notice if you answer a child’s quest to eradicate boredom with a knee jerk suggestion of an activity or game, they’ll often reject it or dismiss it.

This is a child’s way of telling you they require your eye contact, your involvement in their activity, your connection to them and your disconnection from whatever is distracting you from being a present parent or carer.

They want you to ask more questions. They would like you to hear a little more about what’s going on for them. Your time and your undivided attention means more to them than any attempt to find them something to do outside or to suggest an offhand momentary distraction for them.

Children are well aware of the adult habit of brushing them off. They are quite capable of finding their own activities. And they will after they feel they have been tuned into satisfactorily by their primary attachment figures.

A casual but lengthy and meandering drive in a car with your child or children can be an excellent way of connecting with your child.

Children feel safe in the intimate confines of the family vehicle and while their parents drive, while often going into a zone of concentrating on the road, they are present and available to listen and respond.

The further you drive with your child, the more access you’ll acquire to their thoughts as they randomly chatter about their issues and all the little thoughts that occupy their busy minds.

“What do you think about that?” is often the best response to a question they may pose.

Not because you don’t have your own answer, which is usually attached to an agenda. But because, as all good therapists know, most people, including children and teenagers possess the answer to their own questions. They simply need the conversational guidance and undivided attention of a listener to help them source their own solutions.

These school holidays, give listening a try. And use the fail safe response of “I’m not sure, but what do you think about that?” as a prompt for your child to know they are being listened to and that their attachment figures are tuned in.

You may be surprised how quickly the “boreds” dissipate and how soon they return to their own preferred activities.

If you’re experiencing difficulty connecting with your child or children these school holidays, we would love to help.

⭕️
Full Circle Counselling
Paul l. Medew
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Office left
47 Heygarth St Echuca

BOOKINGS:
o website: www.full-circle-counselling.com
o email : [email protected]
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+61 (0) 478 672 867

From one extreme to another...

The swinging pendulum of Covid19 life.

Winter in country Victoria was a white wash of quietude for many who bunkered down, relied on locals for acts of small kindness and held their breath for borders to reopen (including the controversial Murray Bridge) without too much ado.

Businesses suffered. Families suffered. Couples and individuals each suffered the brunt of Uncle Dan's official state restriction announcements.

Gradually moving back into life can be exhilarating at first. But once businesses start up again and travellers hit town, it can feel like an avalanche of unexpected activity. Enough for the Vagus Nerve to spasm for a while there.

Its important to remember during the rush and tear of post-restriction life in country Victoria, that you are not obliged to submit to the pressure.

You may not be ready to jump straght back into the way things were, pre-covid.

Dip your toes back in to the familiar and ease back into the roles you were playing before the various lock downs.

You can't be that same person and charge up all that momentum as soon as you take your seat back in the office chair or your board room or even stroll out of the sporting field.

Physical preparation is just as important as psychoemotional warm ups.

We are all a little out of sorts.

Be gentle on yourself. Ease back in and avoid the post lock-down exhaustion game as long as you can.

We always have appointments available after hours for those too busy to book in during standard work hours. Sat Sun appointments always welcome too *subject to availability.

The work we like to do is meaningful work that leads to long term change. Transformation doesn't happen overnight, but it happens in its own time, both in and out of session if the work is done or guided through well enough.

We would love to help.

BOOKINGS OPEN:
0478672867