Does your partner change when travelling? How can you help?

Within the domestic confines of a relationship, couples find ways to adapt or to avoid stress. It may be over-working, focusing on kids, over eating, cleaning, drinking or exercising. Humans find ingenious ways to dull feelings or distract from tension. Daily routines are created to maintain a sense of control.

Next time you’re on a trip outside the home, observe the behaviour of yourself and your partner.

It is when you’re out of routine, without ready access to your usual comforts and crutches, that your relationship communication style (and ways of resolution) will be revealed.

Confined spaces while travelling in cars for long periods, mixed with unpredictable schedules, new incoming stimuli at airports, hotel lobbys or crowded car parks and lack of access to creature comforts is the perfect stage for insecure parts to step out (and sometimes be quite rude).

Dismissive comments, anxious ticks, impatience and intolerant behaviours may become prominent.

It may be as simple as rushing others at a counter, huffing when someone asks a simple question or ignoring a pre-discussed arrangement due to confusion yourself.

Importantly, communicate your movements to your partner and kids, so everyone is on the same page. Even if it’s a dash to the toilet or 711. The family are already off schedule and out of their familiar routine, chances are, if you’re feeling mildly stressed, they are too.

If things get hairy, be patient with your partner and kids. Understand you’re all running on adrenaline in transit and adapting to the unknown. Talk about that clearly.

🍁 “It’s ok, we’re all lugging suitcases and unclear where we are going, let’s take a breath and work out a plan”

Make a concerted effort to observe the way your partner is dealing with stress and confinement and practice non-judgement. It can be revealing to see how their internal parts react. But instead of taking it personally, this is your chance to help them and be the bigger person. For everyone’s sake.

The key - which can be translated to similar patterns at home too - is to notice when they are struggling and to de-escalate tensions by offering them reassurance or some time to ground. What do they need at this very second? If you recognise a need, assist. If you’re unsure why they’re upset, ask. Reassure. Reconfigure. Reset. And they will return the favour when you’re flustered.

Making a conscious effort to both understand that travel outside the home is gonna bring out some reactive stress and that more often than not, they simply require a very simple gesture of support from their partner (and vice versa) is the best way to turn the car key and head off into the unknown.

Everything can be a teachable moment in relationships.

Be reasonable when your partner is not themselves and the mirroring effect will help balance your relationship immeasurably.